A year ago today (Chapter 2): Three heartbeats

A year ago today (August 11), we found out we were expecting triplets. The previous week (on August 5th), we had gone for our first ultrasound but since my abdomen was still full of fluid from the OHSS, it was hard to tell during the scan just how many babies we were expecting. During the very first ultrasound, Nurse Awesome could definitely see 2 sacs, but thought she might have seen 2 more, for a total of 4. I was so overwhelmed by the possibility of quads, I told my husband, my mom and my dad (who had all been present for the ultrasound) that we were going to pretend Nurse Awesome never mentioned anything about quads and we were to only discuss the possibility of twins until the following week when we would be able to get a more accurate view of the number of gestational sacs and we would also more than likely be able to see heartbeats. I said that I was going to forget the possibility of quads, however, I couldn't stop obsessing over it. I was terrified, to say the least. My pregnancy with Owen had started out as twins but we lost one baby at about 8 weeks, so I was aware of the high possibility for losses in the early weeks of pregnancy. So, while I was terrified of a quad pregnancy, I was also terrified of losing another baby or babies. I kept reminding myself that nothing was certain at that point and during the week-long wait until the next ultrasound, I read as much as I could about quad, triplet and twin pregnancies.

Many people have asked about my reaction to the news of expecting triplets, so here's the story of that day:

Aaron, my mom, and my dad, were again present for the ultrasound on the 11th. This time, Nurse Awesome was not available for the ultrasound so Dr. H and a resident were the ones to inform us that we were expecting triplets. I was completely prepared, mentally, for twins. So, when Dr. H saw the first 2 heartbeats, I was ecstatic. When he positioned the probe and detected the third, I was shocked. During the first ultrasound where we discovered twins with my pregnancy with Owen, my reaction to twins was a completely uncensored, "Holy shit -- are you kidding me?". This time around, however, I simply asked Dr. H to make sure there were *only* three heartbeats. During the week long wait, I learned much more about the heartache of many quad pregnancies -- with an average gestation of only about 31 weeks, many quads are born very early and have a higher rate of complications due to prematurity. Triplets, on the other hand, have an average gestation of about 32-33 weeks and have prematurity complication rates more similar to twins than to quads. Dr. H assured me there were only 3 and while I was relieved, I was still terrified. He turned to the resident and said, "Most women in this clinic would be ecstatic about triplets, but Carrie has already had one baby and is very aware of how much work one is, much less three." I keenly remember leaving the office with my family and sitting in the car to call Aaron's parents and to tell them the news. Everyone but me was overjoyed. I broke down into tears and desperately needed their celebrations to end. From the very beginning, I was worried about not being able to carry these babies to a safe gestation. The thought of them enduring weeks in the NICU being poked and prodded with needles, being on respirators or needing other types of breathing assistance, let alone all the prematurity complications that I knew nothing about was overwhelming. I wanted to give them the best start in life and while I didn't know how to do that yet, I knew it wasn't going to be an easy road. I also was upset at the idea of loving three babies and knowing that I would have to go back to work. Twelve weeks of maternity leave is too short for one baby -- splitting that short time between three babies was difficult to comprehend. I knew how hard it was to leave one baby at home when returning to work, I couldn't imagine having to do that with three in addition to Owen. And, I worried about Owen -- how would he handle having 3 siblings? You can imagine that it was quite awhile before I allowed myself to have a positive outlook on this pregnancy. To say I'm a worrier is an understatement.

I'm very happy that I'm celebrating the year anniversary of this date rather than going through all the emotions that I had that day a year ago. I was very happy to be expecting another baby, but I was still recovering from the OHSS and I was completely shocked, terrified, and worried about what the future held. I can't believe a year has passed and we now have 3 perfectly healthy, beautiful, and happy babies. We are so blessed to have been given the gift of watching them grow and learn every day. While I still worry about everything under the sun, I also cherish every moment with these miracles and I wouldn't give up the experience for the world. I try to take my worry with a grain of salt and remember how far we've already come -- we've endured the uncertainty and stress of a triplet pregnancy but ended up making it to nearly 34 weeks gestation with no major complications. The babies were in the NICU for over 2 weeks (Grant was in for 3) and while that was a very difficult time, we were very lucky that none of them needed breathing assistance, had no major complications (minus the NG tube incident) and were there only to learn to eat and grow. At nearly 6 months old, they are smiling, babbling, laughing, rolling, enjoying tummy time, and doing things that you'd expect full-term babies to do at 6 months (versus their adjusted age of 4.5 months) and they have each more than doubled their birth weight (yesterday Mason and Mayleah were both 12lbs and Grant was a whopping 12lbs 8.5oz!).

So, to try and wrap up with post that is quickly becoming way too long...here's how far the babies have come in one year:

From this:

to this:

And of course, we can't forget Owen. This was him last year at this time:

and here he is from just last weekend:

What a difference a year makes.